As today approached as the one year anniversary of Sarah’s homegoing, I have been doing a lot of reflecting on all that has transpired since then.  Somebody once said that funerals should compel us to ponder our own mortality and evaluate not only the days we’ve lived – but also the time we have left.  In that way, my reflection on today continues to be a gift that keeps on giving for its powerful ongoing impact in my life. I prayed then as I continue now that I would not forget the things that I have learned.  

Solomon also wrote about the importance of being reminded of death in Ecclesiastes 7:2 where he says the countercultural concept that it is better to go to a funeral than a party because the wise person will be reminded that “this is the end of all mankind” and will live in light of the brevity of life.  When people hear my story now who didn’t know me or Sarah before, the one comment frequently heard among most of them is “oh, she was so young.” Yet even in that statement is the ultimate undergirding reality that everyone is expected to die, just not yet.

So why is it that most of us, myself included even a few times this year, forget to live in light of the fundamental fact that for each of us here, our time on earth is finite?  A big part is that we are forgetful. We get distracted by the busyness of life and that naturally, and often by necessity, forces our focus to be on the short-term, the present.  Throughout the entire Bible, God is constantly giving commands and instructing His people to remember through intentional actions and tangible reminders. He told us that because we are prone to forget.  I am prone to forget. Even on a day like today laden with meaning, I still have to be intentional to stop and take time to reflect and think.

When I think about Sarah, I rejoice knowing she is experiencing the glorious joy of unity with her Savior, freed from the curse of sin and the pain of this world.  In a good way, that makes me jealous to one day also experience that. That too then reminds me to focus on today and live in light of eternity. To better invest in my walk with God, my relationships with family and friends, and to remember that my days on earth are limited as well.  

Today is also a day of rejoicing for another reason as it is my parents’ 35th wedding anniversary!  Their testimony of faithfulness and enduring love over the years speaks to the grace of God and the hard work they’ve put in to not only stay married this long, but to deepen their love.  I’ve been teasing them a little bit this year that they’re acting a bit like newlyweds as they’re now in the phase of no longer taking of either their children (having all left home now) or their parents (as all my grandparents are now deceased).  For those with a spouse, each day together is a gift to be treasured. Whether that is the five years that Sarah and I shared or the thirty-five that my parents have been blessed with, never take it for granted. Invest in each other with eternity in mind in preparation for the ultimate marriage of Christ to His bride, the Church!

The best part of today though is the steady comfort, encouragement, and loving ear that Anna has been for me both in the days leading up to today, but also in the moments of emotion throughout.  God’s gift to me in bringing Anna in my life staggers my imagination still because she is exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it. She is the glue that has filled in all the cracks of my heart making it better and stronger than it was before!  

As I expectantly and excitedly look ahead to our upcoming wedding this November, I realize both the amazing joy and the solemn responsibility it will bring.  Having been married before, this was a step I do not take lightly in full recognition of the depth of wedding vows: “for better or worse, in sickness, until death.”  Those need not be sad things though they are heavy concepts. Indeed, for Christ’s example is as a husband who will never, ever forsake His bride, the Church. In that way it is inspiring and transformative!  

I wrote at length in the story of how God brought Anna and I together this year the beautiful and creative way that He worked, and I see that ever more clearly day by day with her.  On a day like today when I could otherwise be overcome with grief thinking of the future, I instead feel the upwelling of joy that comes from imagining the future life that Anna and I will share together!  God has turned my mourning into joy and given both peace and hope beyond measure! I could never have imagined all that has transpired this past year culminating in the beautiful and thrilling next chapter with Anna, and so in yet another countless way, I see and trust in God’s hand at work!

“But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.” – 1 Corinthians 2:9

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair;  persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.” – 2 Corinthians 4:7–12

It’s amazing even how my perspective on Christ’s death and resurrection is so much more real to me this year than ever before! How I long for the day when we too will conquer death – because HE LIVES! I have known deep pain, yet even all that cannot compare with the crushing affliction my Savior bore for me. His love is stronger than any pain as the God of all comfort, but also comes from the heart of the Man of sorrows who was acquainted with grief.

Flashback to some of what I said in Sarah’s Celebration of Live service. It’s even more true to me today. This is the full impact of what we celebrate today – the resurrection changes everything!

Trials often shake people’s’ belief that God is all-powerful, all-loving, all-knowing, and all-sufficient. Yet, I know each of those to more real today than ever before. Paul said in 1 Cor. 15 that if Christ is not risen then our faith is in vain and we as Christians ought to be pitied. However, Christ has risen again so we have absolute assurance of His promises of our eternal home and our own resurrection one day. As Christians we can view death very differently. 2 Cor. 5:8 reminds us that when our soul departs our body it is present with the Lord. Because God saved Sarah from her sins, she faced death confidently knowing that her citizenship was in heaven where she now is with her Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. (Phil 3:20) 1 Peter 1:4 also describes it as “an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for [her].”

“All this, because of the finished work of Christ we celebrate today. We have joy that transcends circumstances! Jesus does not promise only joy though. As we celebrate the resurrection, we also look to the gift we now have of the Holy Spirit. “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Take heart indeed! How can we not! Not only has He overcome the world — and hell and the devil and death — but He remains with us and in us like a mighty warrior against all our foes. “Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world” (1 John 4:4).

So, yes, there will be tribulation. Sorrows of so many kinds in this fallen world we can’t count them. But the world that makes us so sorrowful will not have the last word. Therefore, the watchword of the Christian in this world is “sorrowful, yet always rejoicing” (2 Corinthians 6:10). Through every grief, we are being kept by the power of the Helper. Therefore, “you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials” (1 Peter 1:6).

You may be tempted to cry out, “Oh, that I could go back and see him as he was in the flesh!” But remember, you see more of him now by his Spirit in his word than the disciples did during his earthly life. And you will see him again. But not the way he was. His face will be “like the sun shining in full strength” (Revelation 1:16). Take heart from Peter’s words: “Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and glorified” (1 Peter 1:8–9). This is the joy that cannot be taken from you.” – John Piper

My daily prayer since Sarah passed away last year is that God would not let me forget the life-changing sanctifying things I have learned. He has been faithful in answering that through countless ways. Sometimes it has been when the walls of grief surrounded me threatening to blot out every ray of hope so I had only Him to turn to. Other times it is in the innumerable small joys of everyday life that I instinctively want to turn and share with her. Each moment like those is a gift because of how each one points me to eternal truths.

One year ago today Sarah and I were sitting in the ER trying to process the news that she was in serious danger from a crisis health situation we had no idea was brewing. I can still hear the surgeon’s words “you both need to understand how serious this is.” My ears heard what he said and my brain thought it comprehended it, but I had no idea just how deep and long the valley of the shadow of death would end up being. Yet, the Lord was and is my faithful Shepherd.

As I continue to reflect back on everything that happened last year I recognize ever more clearly God’s mercy and grace. Had we known everything that was yet to happen we would not have been able to face it. Thankfully for us, God’s grace is sufficient for one day at a time and as James 4:13-15 reminds us of our limited perspective of time anyways. How much better it is to rest in new mercies each morning! At the same time too, each successive challenge and trial prepared us for one yet to come. I’ve written before about that especially in regard to our three miscarriages. Sarah wrote last year “God is the author of life” and I know that Sarah is now more alive in heaven than she ever was on earth. Going through trials can tempt us to have an egocentric perspective where it becomes all about us and “why me.” We should strive instead to have a theocentric perspective and recognize that our sovereign, all-loving God is at work for His glory and our good. Our trouble comes so often when we only think of what is “good” from our perspective, not from the eternal and omniscient perspective of God.

As finite humans we often struggle to understand an infinite God and His workings. Add in our feeble emotions and we can quickly lose perspective of what is right and true. This is where we have to consciously preach truth to ourselves from God’s Word.

Our heart says God must not love us to let us go through trials. God’s Word says in Eph. 2:4 “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us,”. Our heart says God must not be in control. Jesus said in John 9:3 about the man born blind “that the works of God might be displayed in Him” explicitly meaning every sickness and disability is under His control. Our heart says God doesn’t really care about me and my circumstances. Jesus says in Matthews 10 that not even a sparrow falls to the ground without His knowledge and “you are of more value than many sparrows.” Our heart says God doesn’t understand my pain. Romans 8:32 says “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”

Our heart says “why?” God’s Word replies to “what ultimate end” in James 1:2-4 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

I could go on and on, but this is how I remind myself what is true when my heart and emotions struggle to remember. Whether we realize it or not we are always meditating on something. Much of the time it’s what might be called “self-talk” and much of the self-help world today tries to just tell you how to think positively to impact this. Christians don’t have to conjure up anything on our own because we have the “living and active Word of God.” This is how Ephesians 5 talks about the “washing of water of the Word” when our minds are so saturated with truth that there is little ability for lies and error to take root.

It’s been said before that either you’re in a trial or you’re getting ready to go into one. I encourage you to likewise consciously preach truth unto yourself. Only the words of God have the power to transform you and your circumstances.

“Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.” – Psalm 119:49-50